Parent Interview

Q. How did you come to hear about doofs?

A. We'd recently moved interstate and my daughter was invited to a party. I was already concerned about acohol, I knew she was drinking way too much and even passed out at one party only weeks before. But I checked with her friend's parents and they were attending, so I let her go.

When she got home she didn't smell of alcohol and didn't seem to be hung over, which was a nice change. She described the party to me with such excitement that I wanted to go to one! She said parents and teens partied together like there was no age-gap so I decided, then and there, to attend the next doof she was invited to.

I thought that prospect would completely devastate her, but she was surprisingly open to it.

Q. So, was your first doof a pleasant experience? Did anything stand out to you?

A. Absolutely! It was THE best weekend of my life! I was like a big kid, I didn't want to go home. I guess the stand out moment was that my daughter and I were actually getting along, like friends instead of parent and child.

I mean, it's not like I've never partied before. I'd been nightclubbing heaps with my interstate friends and partied with them in our back yards for some 20 years before moving. I was always designated driver because I don't drink. But this was not a drinking party, it was something altogether different.

Q. Can you give us more insight into what was so different about it?

A. Well, for starters, I found myself sitting by the campfire, with a 13 year old girl on my left and a 60 year old woman on my right, talking about the experience and celebration of life. This kid kept coming out with wise comments that you just wouldn't expect to hear from someone with so little life experience.

Yet here she was, making ME (a parent) think long and hard about things I'd never contemplated in any detail before. And the older woman treated her with so much respect, there was no 'attitude' about who was more experienced etc. It was easy to converse with both, like we were all on equal terms. I had never experienced that before.

Q. Is there anything else that stands out with your first doof experience?

A. Hells yeah! Aside of useful tips on improving my relationshp with my daughter, I was in awe at the number of lessons I had yet to learn from that one single weekend. It had a kind of domino effect on my life.

At that time I was truly struggling as a single parent, emotionally I was drained and professionally I'd burnt out. I'd been diagnosed with depression 15 years before the move interstate. Understanding the experience and celebration of life, and acutally participating in it, turned everything around completely! No more depression!

Q. That is great to hear. How is your daughter today? What has changed for her?

A. Well, as I said, the drinking thing had me concerned for a while. Her father's an alcoholic, it runs in his family a few generations back. And I guess my own attitude didn't help much, I was just plain dead-set against it. A certain amount of rebellion was to be expected.

But, she's of drinking age now and she doesn't drink anymore, maybe a glass of red with dinner occasionally. The benders stopped when she started doofing with me. After that we became best friends, she knows she can tell me anything or ask me anything without being judged or dismissed.

Q. Word on the street is, there's drugs at doofs. Are you worried about her taking drugs?

A. Not really. I mean, there's always that fear in the back of your mind; that someone will offer her something one day and something bad might happen. It's natural for parents to worry.

But we talk a lot about drugs, it's not a taboo subject in our household. When they're curious and the communication channels are open they'll ask you outright "What does this/that drug do?". Once curiousity is satisfied, they tend to move on quick enough.

Obviously drugs are out there, in the school-yard, among peers. If there are drugs at doofs, they're kept well hidden. I haven't seen any myself so I don't think doofs pose any more or less threat than simply being a teenager.

Q. Do you have any advice for youth who are considering attending a doof?

A. Just some general advice I guess. Whether it's alcohol, drugs or sex, know what you're putting in your mouth BEFORE you put it in your mouth. Don't buy it from any old knob on the street and do it with people you trust to take good care of you.

It's all about learning how to make sensible and independant choices as young adults. Mmmkay?

Q. Do you have any final advice for parents of teens who may be facing similar challenges?

A. Well, yeah. Keep your finger on the pulse, because it's too late once the damage is done. Nobody wants to be THAT parent who is the last person their kid wants to call with their last dying breath. Be the first person they want to call the moment they're feeling blue or curious. Invest in their safety, they only live once!

Q. Do you have any final words to say about doofs?

A. I do indeed. There's a lot of negative publicity out there about doofs and I've noticed it is effecting youth morale. We've all seen the movie Grease, we all know what classic teenage rebellion looks like. The more you say "No!" the harder they want to do it.

All they want is somewhere to hang out, somewhere to be fun-loving teens, something to be proud of and something to stand up for. I think the doof community offers all this and then some, otherwise they wouldn't be rebelling so much about it. Word.

Thank you for sharing your insights with us. We wish you and your daughter the very best for the future.

#parents #interview #doof #drugs #alcohol #health #party #entertainment